Helping your Child Cope with Academic Anxiety
As exams and college application deadlines approach, the stress students and families are experiencing can be palpable. During this time, it’s common for adolescents to briefly experience difficulty sleeping, increased distress or irritability. As a therapist specializing in anxiety, I often hear parents tell me:
“They say they’re okay, but I can tell the stress is taking a toll on them”
“They’re working so hard, and I don’t know how to help”
Below are some research-based tips on how to support your adolescent.
Stay focused on what really matters
Though it may seem obvious to you, it’s important your child is reminded that their worth is not tied to their academic accomplishments. Adolescents need to hear that they are loved and accepted regardless of their test results / college admissions. Their self worth is still forming, and oftentimes they use grades to measure and compare themselves. You can protect against this by focusing on effort, not outcome.
Kids and adolescents thrive when they feel safe enough to risk making a mistake. This promotes a growth mindset – a belief that intelligence is not fixed but can be developed. Research shows that a growth mindset builds resiliency and allows students to view setbacks as opportunities to learn.
Focus praise on persistence and progress:
“We are so proud of you already – you’ve done a great job persevering and knowing when to ask for help”
“I love you the same regardless of the grade you get in this class”
Prioritize the fundamentals
Protect their sleep. Encourage them to keep bedtime consistent, consider creating a study schedule with them if getting to sleep is proving difficult. Avoid screen time an hour before bed. Rest is how the brain consolidates memory and prepares for performance.
Eat regularly. While students study, they may forget to eat. Eating every 3-4 hours throughout the day helps with concentration and anxiety. Try to avoid eating late at night as this can interfere with an adolescent’s circadian rhythm.
Co-regulation
If your child begins to panic or become distressed, trying to stay calm yourself can be a challenge. Remember, your presence and calmness can help regulate your child. This is called co-regulation, when an adult’s nervous system helps calm a child.
Try focusing on your own breath to remain calm and let your child know:
“You’re not alone – we can figure this out together”
“Let’s break this down into smaller pieces, I’ll help you figure out what to start with”
If they seem shut down, consider offering to go on a walk while listening to music to relieve the pressure of talking. Getting them moving and some fresh air can help them reset.
Know what is developmentally normal and when to seek help
Stress around college applications and exams is common. In fact, some stress can actually be motivating and signals that these things matter. In older adolescents, you might notice perfectionism and self-doubt while social media has amplified social comparison. Adolescents are experiencing these tasks at a time where their brains are still developing, specifically their pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for planning ahead, regulating emotions and perspective taking.
Too much stress or chronic stress can take a psychological toll on adolescents. If your child is experiencing extended periods of significant distress or any of the following, it may be time to seek professional help. Below are some signs to look out for.
physical symptoms of anxiety (heart racing, difficulty breathing, feeling out of body)
persistent loss of sleep
ongoing low mood or irritability
withdrawing at home or avoiding social situations outside the house
feeling hopeless
